Surviving Guilt

Last week, we discussed intuition and decision-making based on having trust in your inner source. Alignment with yourself and you purpose sometimes involves ruthless decision-making. We feel convicted to make a choice in the now sometimes and that can come with collateral damage. How do we cope with our action resulting in the discomfort of others?

I think about this a lot because I am such a people pleaser, but most importantly, I am an empath and I am constantly considering others with everything I do. Being selfish is not something that comes naturally to me and I think that this is a common idea. I know that the world is very independent and we don’t have as many communities that we used to. In my heart though, I know that this is what I crave. Community. A sense of belonging and wanting to belong follows me. Whether that is applied to family, friend groups, or even work. I feel a loss when I am in a situation where I am isolated. So then what does this feeling lead to? We tend to start to overcompensate and overextend ourselves for the sake of fitting in or to impress the people around us. There is a fatigue that comes with trying to make something fit when it is not meant to.

Let’s be clear, guilt is a good thing to have in your wheelhouse of emotions because it means that you have a moral boundary. The problem is when your moral boundary is not based on things you learned as a child like “don’t harm others” and “be nice to your neighbor” but when it is coming from things that were enforced on you by society. For example, there is a moral standard that women are held to in the workforce that men are not. It is unspoken, but society judges on certain issues and in turn, we judge ourselves.

We have to find more comfort in letting things go that don’t feel right regardless of what society tells us is acceptable. That is hard often because we don’t want to disappoint others. Social anxiety plays a large part in this as well where we can overthink how people might react to your actions. If you take a step back, how will it affect them? What will they think of you? You have to let it go. Let it all go.

Guilt can take over your mind and your body. Once we let it consume our thoughts, it then seeps into our bodies. Psychology Today describes Guilt as aversive and a self-conscious emotion, involving reflection on oneself. People may feel guilt for a variety of reasons, including acts they have committed (or think that they committed), a failure to do something they should have done, or thoughts that they think are morally wrong.

For the bodily effects, guilt can result in a change in your posture due to a lack of confidence, therefore affecting your spine. Carrying anxiety in your body can also lead to dizziness and migraines. Sometimes you may feel like you’re falling when you’re standing still. Lightheadedness and chronic fatigue are also other physical symptoms that your guilt and anxiety, built around that feeling has taken root in your body. We have to be careful how we let these things grow. I have found a source that explains this deeper, a book The Body Keeps the Score by psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk. In the video below, he also explains how trauma can affect our body.

Thank you!

- Eucalyptsis